Well if the Cowboys want to call themselves “America’s Team”, they need to have a true American cheerleader. I think we have found her.

Can’t believe they beat the Saints on the Saints home turf…..

I think Tim Tebow is my most favoritest football player.  I mean, look at the guy!  ‘

He’s a great football player, he’s a good person, and he loves Jesus!  How much better can you get?  Oh, and he’s cute.  Let’s not forget that.  Too bad he wasn’t all that Saturday afternoon.  I really didn’t care which team one the SEC Championship.  I really just wanted Tebow to win so I could say his name.  Tim TeBOW!! (sounds like POW) I wanted him to go out strong.  But, that stupid other player got a DUI and they lost.  They lost bad.  And it hurt me to see Tim hurt.  Erik says he won’t be good in the NFL.  Not that I care.  Unless he plays for the Titans or Steelers  I won’t care. (those are the only two teams I kind of keep up with)  So, good luck Tim.  Keep on playing and keep on preaching.

Now, can we please quit focusing on stupid permanently horny Tiger Woods?  So he slept with other people than his wife.  Happens to poor bad golfers too.  Do you care?  Nope.  What I think is so hilarious is that half these women deny it or don’t want to be identified.  Is it because Tiger is so damn ugly and you are embarrassed?  It’s not like he’s Tim TeBOW!  And all the women he cheated on his wife with are white women.  Oh boy.  One even claims he dropped her off at her trailer park after a night of romping in a hotel room.  Really, Tiger?  A trailer park woman?  Please, all the money in the world and you choose a porn star and a chick from a trailer park?  And, in case you forgot, he is married to a model.

So let’s hope all these young kids who idolize their sports guys look to Tim and not to Tiger.  And let’s hope that Tim stays true to who he is and doesn’t end up like Jason Peter.

One last thing – the BCS sucks!  I hope that the government actually signs that bill that’s being rumored that would put an end to calling it a championship game.  Weren’t there 5 undebeated teams this year?

My two daughters are beautiful.   Absolutely beautiful.  I look at them sometimes and wonder how they are mine.  Madeline’s blond hair and blue eyes and pale skin look nothing like me.  Her petite frame that seems to finally grow overnight.  Her lips the color that I would pay hundreds to have in a tube.  Her body is fit,  no fat anywhere.  As much as Erik and her hate it when I say it, she has an awesome butt.  The kind of butt I wish I had, that comes from dancing and playing soccer.  She is a beautiful girl.  And Sophie, my polar opposite of Madeline.  Sophie’s face is round and  angelic where Madeline’s is long and thin.  Sophie is not petite, she is, as she likes to say, “sturdy.”  She’s not overweight at all.  She is tall for her age.  She has beautiful, crisp green eyes and shiny blond hair that frames her face perfectly.  She can wear anything and it fits her.  She actually has a good figure and will be the envy of many other girls when she gets older.

So this is what I can’t understand.  Why can’t they take a decent picture?!  It’s Christmas card time and we spent almost an hour trying to get a decent shot of the both of them.  Sophie looks like she has been smoking weed all day with her half closed eyes and crooked smile.  Madeline tries to pose like Disney kid and ends up looking like a wannabe porn star.   If one looks good in a shot, the other is looking in a completely different direction or has her eyes closed.  Madeline looks perfect, Sophie looks stoned.  Sophie actually has her eyes open and is smiling, Madeline is mid-sentence with a goofy look on her face. Why is this so damn hard?  My gorgeous girls look like People of Walmart in the pictures.  It’s probably me and my  inability to take a decent picture.  Or it’s the camera and the way I have no idea how to set the proper lighting and setting and all that mess.  But you would think, as beautiful as my girls are, that at least one out of 80+ pictures would be decent.  But no.  I suck, they suck, the camera sucks.  So tonight, armed with bribes of candy and money, I will attempt to take pictures again.  Wish me luck.  Or there won’t be a Christmas card this year!

No matter how much I am dreading Thanksgiving.  No matter how crazy it will be.  No matter if I gain a pound or two from now till Chrismahanakwanzakuh.  No matter if I have a bad day at work.  No matter if I don’t get all my shopping done.  No matter what, at least I don’t have:

BACK BOOBS!!!!!!

There are at least half a dozen houses in my neighborhood that all already decked out for Christmas.  A full week before Thanksgiving.  How flippin’ annoying is that?   Now every time I look out my sitting room window I see blinking lights and Santa.  For 6 long weeks I will have that view. I have never been a fan of Thanksgiving.  In fact, it’s the holiday I love to hate.  Why?  I know what you are thinking – but you love to cook!  How can you hate a holiday that is all about the food.  That’s why, people of the internet, that’s why.   Because it’s all about the food.  It’s not supposed to be all about the dead inhumanely killed turkey cooked and stuffed and ripped to shreds as the focal point of the day.  But it is.  It’s not supposed to be about the calorie laden sugar fest that is supposed to be a simple sweet potato.  People get so worked up over food that the real supposed meaning of Thanksgiving is lost.  Did you know that Sarah Hale proposed we have this day to good ole Abe Lincoln?  She even came up with the menu!!  Nothing we eat for Thanksgiving is what the first Thanksgiving attendees had.  It’s all made up!!  I like to call it Indian Exploitation day, which really irks my husband.  It’s not Turkey day – at least for me.  You may call it Tofurkey day, it has such a cute ring to it!  If it was Turkey day, we would be celebrating a turkey, not killing it and eating it.  Why don’t Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson protest Thanksgiving?  The white man did more to the Native Americans than they ever did to African Americans.  We took away their land!!  Somewhere in the history of Thanksgiving day we forgot that.  We are too busy thawing and baking and fighting with family.  So let’s go ahead and get a petition to bypass this utterly useless holiday and get right to Christmas.  You know, we should call the time from after Halloween to New Years’ Day Christmahanukwanzakuh. No one gets left out and then we can be done with it.

What do they have in common?  Townsends.  My mom’s oldest sister’s husband, Van, died from the swine flu last week.  He went from feeling bad enough to go to the doctor, to being diagnosed with the virus, to ICU in about 72 hours.  Within two weeks he had died.  It’s awful, really.  My aunt was in another hospital for a surgery from complications of all her other surgeries and radiation poisoning.  You know it’s bad when another hospital calls and says to come now.  At least she got to see him while he was somewhat still in aware.

The funeral/memorial service was Saturday in Florida.  All the sisters and brothers and some of their kids came.  I went, more for my mother than anything else, but I needed and wanted to go.  Lynn is very dear to me and I always had a good time with Van.  If an outsider would have been at the house Saturday night they would not know that a funeral had just taken place.  It was fabulous!!  We were fighting like Koreans, outdoing each other in planks, seeing who was most flexible ( I think that’s the only thing I won) and leg wrestling.  Yes, the aunts and uncles, who range in age from 38 to 59 were on the floor leg wrestling.  HILARIOUS.  I discovered one of my aunts who is almost 50 is in amazing shape, another aunt takes to knitting when things get out of hand, an uncle thinks a lot like me, and a cousin is a sniper on a NASA helicopter.   Yes, there was plenty of alcohol involved.  Need you even ask?

When I die that’s how I want people to be:  drunk, happy, laughing, knowing that I am watching from above (or below) and that I would want everyone to have fun.  Put my cremated body on the mantel and fight like Koreans.

Pope Benedict XV1 and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd….

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day they will rejoice!”

Pelosi replied, “I seriously doubt that; with one little wave of your hand?  Show me….”

So the Pope slapped her.

(Thanks Erik!)

People should have to take a test to breed.  There are so many idiots out there having unprotected sex and 9 months later having kids they have no clue what to do with.  Two prime examples:

Balloon boy.  This dad needs to be hung.  He made his kid lie to everyone in the world!!  This dad, who first off should be shot for naming his kid Falcon, told the kids to hide so he could get publicity. People all over the world were praying for this kid and his safe return.  Now people are wanting his head on a platter.  What possesses one to do something like that? Media whore?  C’mon!!  What morals and values are you teaching your children when you send him to the attic to hide in a box while police and military are trying in vain to help this little boy?  Look at what all the attention will get you – jail time and a hefty fine.  Hope you get what you deserve in jail, idiot!

Now, locally, this woman and her “auntie” leave her 2 and 3 year old sons at home ALONE while they go shopping for about an hour.  They get a call on their cell that the house is on fire.  The main concern? Not that the two boys are on the way to the hospital, not that one is dead, not that one is seriously injured.  No, the main concern, and it makes me absolutely sick to even think about this, was that her purse was all burnt up with her EBT card in it.  Seriously?!  All you care about is your food stamps?  Your nephew just DIED because you had to shop.  Take her EBT privileges away.  Don’t let her live off me and you when she can’t take care of her own little boys.  They were 2 and 3 years old!!!!  Why were they home alone?  Can someone explain to me what the thought process was that allowed these idiot women to think that a 2 and 3 year old could stay at home for even a few minutes alone!!?!  As much as I hate the government involvement in our lives, there needs to be a plan for mandatory birth control until you can prove you are worthy and are mentally able to care for someone other than yourself.

Go hug your kids.  Now.  And be grateful you have a brain.

Melvin & Bud

Melvin & Bud saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville , MS  and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.”

Melvin & Bud replied, “Well, then just give us our money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.”

The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”

Melvin said, “We gonna raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”

Bud said, “We shore can!  Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Melvin & Bud at the Piggly Wiggly  grocery store and asked.

“What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”

They said,”We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.”

Bud said,”Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.”

The farmer said,”My Lord, didn’t anyone complain?”

Melvin said, “Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.”

Melvin and Bud now work for the government.

They’re overseeing the Bailout Program.